ouhvuu:

I’m trying. I’m trying so hard. But every time I feel as if we can get on the right track again, you shut me out. You push me further and further away. I don’t get it. What am I doing wrong? Is it because I actually love you? Is that too surreal to you? We’re becoming strangers, but you need to know that it’s not my fault. Say sorry all you want, but I’m hurt and I don’t think anything’s ever going to fix this. I don’t think it can hurt anymore than right now. It can’t. I’m rock bottom. You made me believe in forever, and then, you took the meaning of it and twisted it all up. It’s just temporary isn’t it? It’s always been. You just needed me when you were hurt, and then leave me when things got better. Then you let me run along and fight for you so you can ignore me and blow me off. Things were actually getting better, didn’t you see? It was starting to go back to the way it was when we first fell for each other.. Then you started to hide things from me. You started to leave me out of your daily routine and I can fucking see that. You used to wake up early in the morning, before you even got to school, and send me the best good morning messages ever. What happened to that? You tell me good morning and then, you leave your phone somewhere so that you can’t feel the vibrates? You ignore my notifications and talk to someone else just so we never start a conversation? Is that it? I saw someone say that they enjoy your messages throughout the day, and you know what? I can’t help but me damn jealous because that used to be me. Ha, and I actually thought this could go somewhere. I knew it. It was too good to be true. Tell me you miss me, tell me you wanted to kiss—I believed you. Then you started to ditch me, then you start to diss me—I don’t blame you. I’m not important. Maybe at one part in your life, I was. But that was only because you were feeling the after effects of your last heartbreak. I was just the doctor that was going to take care of you until you felt better. Then, you drop me, cut ties with me, one by one until we started to become nothing more but.. acquaintances. I’m not your fucking toy. Don’t tell me you love me. Don’t, because this isn’t it. You will never feel the same way I feel about you. You will never put the entire world before me like I do for you. Never. I care so fucking much, but all of sudden, everything I do is wrong? I don’t get it. Was it me? Was it you? Shit, I’ll never know because you don’t even tell me. You don’t tell me when you feel butterflies nor do you tell me when I do something wrong. You never tell me anymore. You can go tell that friend of yours that’s willing to take a bullet for you. You can go talk to whoever it is that’s willing to dive down the cliff and catch you, even if it means they’ll die to. Go ahead. Find someone that’s willing to treat you the way I have. I doubt you’ll find one that’s willing to love you more than me. It’s just so sudden, how the person that used to “love me so much” can just forget me like that. Aha, and for a second, I thought I was at all special. I’m just your temporary bliss. I’m just your little lap dog that’s gonna come back to you no matter how badly you abuse me. Now tell me, do you really love me?

(via whyareyousochinky)